The UK motorcycle market is dying, and I think I know why: we’d rather get soaked on a 'real bike' than arrive dry on a scooter. I put this theory to the internet, and the response was a masterclass in fragile masculinity. Turns out, for some, the only thing protecting their manhood is a manual gearbox.

The fact I split my time between Northern Ireland and Spain is well documented on this here blog. But why? Well, beyond the obvious, it’s because I’ve always had really dry skin, ever since I was a teenager. A discovery on a family holiday when I was 14 cured it, temporarily, so I got hooked on Spain.

What the feck am I on about? Read on, I’ll explain.

I've uncovered a shocking conspiracy of convenience in the laundry aisle. This post is a deeply serious rant about how the offset lids on Fairy and Lenor fabric conditioners are a blatant act of discrimination against the long-suffering left-handed community. It's time to demand change, one bottle at a time.