Let's Talk About Bike Security (And My Fight With A Gas-Lighting AI)

Bike security. It's one of those grim topics that every rider on two wheels, whether motor or pedal powered, has to contend with. And frankly, it’s a minefield. Thieves are getting smarter, and the sheer volume of bike theft is genuinely alarming. According to some stats, a bike is stolen every six minutes in the UK. That’s not just a problem; it’s an epidemic.

I always thought I was pretty security-minded with my Beverly 350. I’ve got three decent locks: a beefy Kryptonite New York D-lock for a wheel, an Oxford Monster disc lock for the front, and a Kryptonite Evolution disc lock for the back. And yes, I use lock reminders on all of them, because forgetting one is a painful and expensive experience. I figured that was a good setup for most situations.

Then I had to pop into Belfast city centre the other day on a run to the Apple Store with a sick Apple Watch. I don't get into Belfast much, so I had no clue about parking. I got there early to poke about and soon found a few official motorbike parking bays. "Tiny" doesn't do them justice; each one took about four bikes, which is a far cry from the acres of moto parking you get in cities like Malaga.

Thankfully, I found one near the Apple Store and it had a spot free. I tucked the Beverly in amongst some really nice, proper motorbikes. And that's when my eyes were opened. These bays had proper anchor points, big solid loop posts set into the ground. Brilliant, I thought.

I went through my usual routine, locking up with all three locks. Then I glanced at the other bikes. Every single one had my sort of setup, disc locks, D-locks, but crucially, every single one also had a massive, chunky chain bolting the bike to the anchor point. My Beverly suddenly felt very exposed, just sitting there on its own, not tethered to anything solid. I'd heard that a lot of bike thieves don't bother with lock cutters, they just throw the bike into the back of a van and are gone in 60 seconds. So now, I'm panicking.

I had no choice but to head to the Apple Store, constantly checking "Find My" to make sure my AirTagged Beverly was still exactly where I'd left it. Thankfully, an hour later, it was. But the seed had been planted. I might not park in high-risk areas often, but when I do, I need to chain that bike to something solid.

The Quest for a Better Chain

So, the research began. This is where Gemini, Google's AI, came into its own, helping me sift through the mountain of options. My goal was simple: find a high-security chain that would work with my existing D-locks for those moments when I needed to secure the Beverly to an immovable object.

We started by looking at the sheer beefiness of chains. We quickly dismissed anything around 10mm thick. While better than nothing, a decent pair of bolt cutters can make short work of those. We then looked at the ultimate end of the scale: the 14mm Kryptonite "Fahgettaboudit" chain. Rated Sold Secure Diamond, it's basically immune to bolt cutters. Problem was, its 1.5-metre length isn't a "noose" chain, giving it a very short effective reach. Plus, the weight is just ridiculous. I enjoy the odd gym workout, but I'm not lugging that thing around.

This sent me looking for a "sweet spot," and I landed on the 12mm Abus 12KS chain. It's rated Sold Secure Motorcycle Gold, meaning it's highly resistant to even the biggest bolt cutters and would need power tools to defeat.

Now, those of you from the proper motorbike world might scoff at a 'mere' 12mm chain, when most insist on 16mm as a minimum. But security is always a trade-off between portability, price, and outright brute strength. Sure, if I was looking for something to leave in the garage, the 22mm Hiplok Mega is the boy. But that's a different beast entirely. For something you have to lug around with you, you have to find a sensible middle ground.

An Argument with a Robot (and a Glass of Wine)

So, the research continued, and this is where things went a bit weird. The real breakthrough, I thought, came late last night when I discovered I could buy two 80cm Abus 12KS "noose" chains for roughly the same price as a single 1.2-metre version.

This sparked a detailed discussion with Gemini. Now, I may or may not have had a glass of wine at this point. The AI confidently assured me that by linking the two 80cm noose chains, I would create one super-long 1.6m chain that also worked as a noose. I was pretty sure this couldn't be done, but Gemini wore me down. It was so insistent that I started to doubt myself and ended up agreeing and ordering the two chains.

I woke up this morning and it was nagging at me. It just couldn't be done. So, I started up the chat again and questioned Gemini, but it absolutely doubled down, insisting it was possible. Now, I'm not one to be 100% sure about something unless I am, well, 100% sure. And about this, I was. What followed was over an hour of back-and-forth, trying to convince an artificial intelligence that it was wrong about the basic physics of a chain.

Finally, the digital penny dropped. Gemini conceded. "She" (or he?) was wrong. It couldn't be done.

So, I quickly cancelled the order for the two 80cm chains and ordered a single 1.2m Abus 12KS noose chain instead. While a 1.6m regular chain (which is what the two 80s would have become) is long, the 1.2m noose chain actually has a longer "working" length. Because you can cinch it tight around something and only have to bring the tip back to the lock, its effective reach is much greater.

The lesson from all this? Gemini isn't always right, but sometimes it thinks it is, even when you KNOW it's not!

What Happens Next

So, after all that palaver, I'm now waiting a week for the new 1.2-metre chain to arrive. At least I avoided the faff of having to return the two 80cm ones.

It seems the quest for the perfect, practical security setup has a few more twists in it. Once the new chain arrives and I've used it for a few weeks, I'll do a proper follow-up post on my real-world experience with the final, and hopefully correct, choice. Stay safe out there!

Small Update

The chain is now here and I've used it once, at the local swimming pool. The chain is far bigger than I expected. No bad thing!